"You can't hit a home run unless you step up to the plate. You can't catch fish unless you put your line in the water. You can't reach your goals if you don't try." Kathy Seligman
I wish I knew why Allie doesn't eat. I don't know why she chooses to avoid food or why she doesn't feel hungry like most people do. As a mom, these are hard things to understand, eating is suppose to be a simple & natural thing to do. It's a tough road to go down when your child chooses not to eat (or in some cases they have a medical condition that doesn't allow them to eat).
The quote above is what I am currently feeling. I know Allie is doing wonderful right now and she is finally gaining weight with her tube feedings and continues to be vomit free. She is finally at a point where I can breath easy and let Allie just be Allie. However, there is also a part of me that knows the longer a child is tube fed, the harder it is to wean them from the tube.
I'm reaching a point where I'm thinking a feeding clinic/intervention is the next step for Allie. There is no medical reason that Allie doesn't eat (at least the doctors cannot diagnose anything). She has ever ability to eat but chooses not to. She can eat a normal meal and she does every once in a while. I'm starting to think that Allie truly doesn't know anything besides "not eating". It's how she grew up and now she has to learn how to eat. I know that if we keep feeding Allie every 3 hours with her feeding tube she will not want to eat because she is always full - I get that. But, just reducing her tube feeding will not necessarily make her feel hungry. Honestly, Allie probably doesn't even know what hunger feels like. She MIGHT feel it but she probably doesn't know what it is and what she is suppose to do when she feels it. I don't know but one thing I know is Allie will need a trained professional who will work with her for 3 or more meals a day.
Right now I'm trying to decide if it's the right time to proceed with a feeding clinic/intervention. Of course it takes several months to get into any inpatient feeding program so my goal of taking the summer off is still on target. I want Allie to just be Allie and enjoy the summer with no doctors or needles. I have lots of thinking to do and decisions to make - I know there is no right or wrong answer. Nothing with Allie is black and white. I have learned to accept that and I just need to follow my motherly instinct.
I'm back to thinking it would be very nice to know all the answers in this big world of unknowns :) One thing I do know is this beautiful face below is my inspiration and it pushes me to continue searching for answers, treatments, clinics, etc. Anything that will help little Allie in the long run.